Turns out, the Next Revolution will NOT be televised....it will be tweeted.
For the past 3 weeks my main source of information regarding Daniel Ortega’s changes to the Social Secuirty contributions and the resulting actions of “Orteguistas”, “Ortega Youth” (scarier), UPOLI students, Viejeros, Hooligans, and everyone in between has been #SOSNicaragua on twitter. Now, that’s great because our forward-thinking (read as stuck in the 70s mindset and forgot that the peeps have smart phones now....with cameras! Amazing!) did shut down the television stations, kick an American journalist out of the country for being a CIA Insider (more on that later) and (just today) decided it would be a swell idea to promote “Eating, Drinking Liquor and Dancing” as an official response to protests (I think he borrowed that idea from me actually).
So, if you are looking for hot news, video, audio, live feed, propaganda and some bad ass drunken-street-dance-fighting....look no further than Twitter. Our new news! Oh joy.
I’d love to out a great photo here but cannot.... more on that later!
Thursday, May 10, 2018
Monday, August 12, 2013
How do I discover anything?
I have discovered a fool-proof, time-hardened, mind-boggling (really, are all those dashes necessary? I mean, it's not surprising that I start a blog with "I", which I do as much as possible, but then I have to go all fancy and pretend that I know the correct usage of the dash? Really, totally-unecessary.) way to discover something which you or I, up until the moment of discovery, had no idea we needed to know at all. My (read words 5 through 10 and word 58 again) is best described through example. So sit tight dear readers, a short but satisfying ride awaits you......now.
As many of you know, I have been very sick the past 5 days. Nothing gross, in my opinion, just the usual snot-blowing, phlegm-hacking, gut-wrenching (admit it....you're starting to like all those dashes! They distracted you for the actual content, didn't they?!) variety of ailment. According to Big Mike, "Some people don't have any respect for others when they fling their snot rags around the room in the middle of the night" but what does he know about being sick? The guy's made out of a space age (space-age?) polymer. When he doesn't feel well all he needs is more dilithium crystals and he's back at the bar. So, I get up today (whenever this is) and decide I've had enough of being sick, and the sheer volume of toilet paper has threatened to breach the top of the bed, so nows as good a time as any. Staff is here, doing stuff I probably told them to do but can't remember, and I get my little duck in a row. Hours later, Maria and Angelika say "Screw you Boss Lady! You suck and your mean and you smell funny - we're out of here!" (Yes, there was a dash in there but a completely harmless one.). They actually said "OK, we're done for the day so we're going to take off" but I know those little sneaky bayatches...
Anyway, I say, "Well, I haven't seen the new entranceway gate or the new Rancho that I so desperately wanted and drove Big Mike crazy about to get started because it was SO important until I got sidetracked with another Great Idea and completely forgot about those two now sort of boring and uninteresting projects because they're sort of far away on the other side of the property and Jackie O doesn't leave the compound often so I probably shouldn't have made a deal out building them, but I should see them anyway." When I actually said "I'll go too." Which of course made them wince and involuntarily shudder because really, who wants to be walking around with their super hot, snot-filled boss? Not them, especially since I am sure that they translated my flimsily (yes, I think it's a word) veiled "I'll go too." Into it's actual meaning which was "I'll walk with you so you have less time to talk about me, and I can see if your pockets are bulging with any of the fine cutlery or linens you undoubtably stole from my vast and wealthy estate."
So, we get to the Castillo de Cerdo and I say, "I really like that tree. What is its name in Spanish?" They rattle off some muckity muck name and I say, "Oh." We keep walking. Then I see another tree, sort of funky with stripped bark but wispy leaves and I say "What's the name of that one?" Because of course, all Mechapans with a third grade education know all of the names to every tree, plant, flower, bug and beast. They say something like "Eucalypto" and I say "No shit! Eucalyptus?" And they say "We don't know you. Are you talking to us?" A very cute little game they play. Precios! Anyway, Maria says take the leaves and boil them and you get a tea that's great for coughs." And I say "You selfish little troll! I've a eucalyptus tree on my property this whole time and you finally get around to telling me?" And she says, "You never asked."
To speed things up a bit, bend over, scoop up leaves, boil leaves, drink eucalyptus tea.
That, my dear readers is the (read words 5-10 and word 58) to discover most anything! Easy Peasy!
Now run outside and engage someone in a conversation, BUT only ask questions....to anything they say, do not make a statement, but only a question. Do you understand? What are you waiting for? Do you think the Good Lord put you here on this earth to look goofy? Do you like ice cream? (Use that of you get cornered and can't think of a good question. It'll through them off long enough for you recover and get your Discover On.
(PS. I had a totally cool photo of the E.Tea but Google+ scares me and I couldn't figure out to use it....maybe next time?)
As many of you know, I have been very sick the past 5 days. Nothing gross, in my opinion, just the usual snot-blowing, phlegm-hacking, gut-wrenching (admit it....you're starting to like all those dashes! They distracted you for the actual content, didn't they?!) variety of ailment. According to Big Mike, "Some people don't have any respect for others when they fling their snot rags around the room in the middle of the night" but what does he know about being sick? The guy's made out of a space age (space-age?) polymer. When he doesn't feel well all he needs is more dilithium crystals and he's back at the bar. So, I get up today (whenever this is) and decide I've had enough of being sick, and the sheer volume of toilet paper has threatened to breach the top of the bed, so nows as good a time as any. Staff is here, doing stuff I probably told them to do but can't remember, and I get my little duck in a row. Hours later, Maria and Angelika say "Screw you Boss Lady! You suck and your mean and you smell funny - we're out of here!" (Yes, there was a dash in there but a completely harmless one.). They actually said "OK, we're done for the day so we're going to take off" but I know those little sneaky bayatches...
Anyway, I say, "Well, I haven't seen the new entranceway gate or the new Rancho that I so desperately wanted and drove Big Mike crazy about to get started because it was SO important until I got sidetracked with another Great Idea and completely forgot about those two now sort of boring and uninteresting projects because they're sort of far away on the other side of the property and Jackie O doesn't leave the compound often so I probably shouldn't have made a deal out building them, but I should see them anyway." When I actually said "I'll go too." Which of course made them wince and involuntarily shudder because really, who wants to be walking around with their super hot, snot-filled boss? Not them, especially since I am sure that they translated my flimsily (yes, I think it's a word) veiled "I'll go too." Into it's actual meaning which was "I'll walk with you so you have less time to talk about me, and I can see if your pockets are bulging with any of the fine cutlery or linens you undoubtably stole from my vast and wealthy estate."
So, we get to the Castillo de Cerdo and I say, "I really like that tree. What is its name in Spanish?" They rattle off some muckity muck name and I say, "Oh." We keep walking. Then I see another tree, sort of funky with stripped bark but wispy leaves and I say "What's the name of that one?" Because of course, all Mechapans with a third grade education know all of the names to every tree, plant, flower, bug and beast. They say something like "Eucalypto" and I say "No shit! Eucalyptus?" And they say "We don't know you. Are you talking to us?" A very cute little game they play. Precios! Anyway, Maria says take the leaves and boil them and you get a tea that's great for coughs." And I say "You selfish little troll! I've a eucalyptus tree on my property this whole time and you finally get around to telling me?" And she says, "You never asked."
To speed things up a bit, bend over, scoop up leaves, boil leaves, drink eucalyptus tea.
That, my dear readers is the (read words 5-10 and word 58) to discover most anything! Easy Peasy!
Now run outside and engage someone in a conversation, BUT only ask questions....to anything they say, do not make a statement, but only a question. Do you understand? What are you waiting for? Do you think the Good Lord put you here on this earth to look goofy? Do you like ice cream? (Use that of you get cornered and can't think of a good question. It'll through them off long enough for you recover and get your Discover On.
(PS. I had a totally cool photo of the E.Tea but Google+ scares me and I couldn't figure out to use it....maybe next time?)
Saturday, December 22, 2012
After The End Of The World....
Here is how the world looks to me:
The Beginning: Happy. I leave the Ranch in Elsie the Land Cruiser with new brakes. Happy. :45 down the road, smells like...burning? Smells like...oh nothing. Smells like... Smoke! Having put on my fancy city dress, I bolt after pulling the Elsie over, taking in the pretty pink flowers that have just bloomed. Here is your country song of the day, " I wuz driving down the country road with my fancy dress on and at mile marker 182 my iron horse Elsie done got up and died after a spotted pony I nearly rundover made me take stock that I ain't got no brakes! "
The middle: the special piece of breed here called "El Mecanico" says, " you bought inferior repair pieces to me. It ain't my fault that the billowing smoke and tire burning done took place lady....here be your keys and a good day to you and Elsie both." Remind me to put him on Santa's bad list.
The Middle: return in cab to Gallo MAS Gallo, a fourth tier hock-selling inferior product shop that says, "well madam, while it does appear that you did indeed purchase a very nice surround sound system for your hacienda and it did not come with the instruction manual or remote....we surely do apologize for the inconvenience but we take the remotes and manual out of the aforementioned packages, fine quality Chinese crap and put them in a refrigerator out down near the pasture. You just wait on us another 2 hours or so whilst we locate said pasture and deliver into you the aforementioned products rightfully yours." Shop for very nice spring onions in the world's dirtiest market. Meet and greet many a nice folk who want to separate me from my money purse, seeing as such I have my city dress on.
The end: catch a ride with some cowboys with a pick up truck and stop to visit Elsie at MM 182. She ain't got no brakes and is like a runaway train heading downhill....with no brakes. The plan is hatched that one long horn honk and a flash or lights means I'm aiming to make contact with hide or hair or metal. That said, and a long dusty trail back to the Ranch, all interested parties go their separate ways. A good bottle of wine is drunk, and now the fucking cable is out after the repair man came calling this afternoon. Precious.
Now, the good stuff....
I catch a ride with departing hotel guests, abandoning Elsie at the side of the road with a kiss and a growl. Shop at two supermarkets where they hold my loot until I get around to picking it up. The tricycle driver who watched me rip a new air hole in the mechanics throat and still tricked me back to
The electronics store. Francisco at Gallo Mas Gallo, who patiently waited 20 minutes until I found a cab to go back to the Supermarkets. The two gas attendants who have held money for our taxi driver with full trust, and their receiving what I think to be their first Christmas bonus of $25 and the look of appreciation on their faces. The gallant Rudolfo who talked to me throughout the day and made me laugh at my good/bad luck. My never-failing husband who held the fort down, against all odds of his own, and managed to hug and kiss me after a weird and retro day.
Maya! Whatta day!
The Beginning: Happy. I leave the Ranch in Elsie the Land Cruiser with new brakes. Happy. :45 down the road, smells like...burning? Smells like...oh nothing. Smells like... Smoke! Having put on my fancy city dress, I bolt after pulling the Elsie over, taking in the pretty pink flowers that have just bloomed. Here is your country song of the day, " I wuz driving down the country road with my fancy dress on and at mile marker 182 my iron horse Elsie done got up and died after a spotted pony I nearly rundover made me take stock that I ain't got no brakes! "
The middle: the special piece of breed here called "El Mecanico" says, " you bought inferior repair pieces to me. It ain't my fault that the billowing smoke and tire burning done took place lady....here be your keys and a good day to you and Elsie both." Remind me to put him on Santa's bad list.
The Middle: return in cab to Gallo MAS Gallo, a fourth tier hock-selling inferior product shop that says, "well madam, while it does appear that you did indeed purchase a very nice surround sound system for your hacienda and it did not come with the instruction manual or remote....we surely do apologize for the inconvenience but we take the remotes and manual out of the aforementioned packages, fine quality Chinese crap and put them in a refrigerator out down near the pasture. You just wait on us another 2 hours or so whilst we locate said pasture and deliver into you the aforementioned products rightfully yours." Shop for very nice spring onions in the world's dirtiest market. Meet and greet many a nice folk who want to separate me from my money purse, seeing as such I have my city dress on.
The end: catch a ride with some cowboys with a pick up truck and stop to visit Elsie at MM 182. She ain't got no brakes and is like a runaway train heading downhill....with no brakes. The plan is hatched that one long horn honk and a flash or lights means I'm aiming to make contact with hide or hair or metal. That said, and a long dusty trail back to the Ranch, all interested parties go their separate ways. A good bottle of wine is drunk, and now the fucking cable is out after the repair man came calling this afternoon. Precious.
Now, the good stuff....
I catch a ride with departing hotel guests, abandoning Elsie at the side of the road with a kiss and a growl. Shop at two supermarkets where they hold my loot until I get around to picking it up. The tricycle driver who watched me rip a new air hole in the mechanics throat and still tricked me back to
The electronics store. Francisco at Gallo Mas Gallo, who patiently waited 20 minutes until I found a cab to go back to the Supermarkets. The two gas attendants who have held money for our taxi driver with full trust, and their receiving what I think to be their first Christmas bonus of $25 and the look of appreciation on their faces. The gallant Rudolfo who talked to me throughout the day and made me laugh at my good/bad luck. My never-failing husband who held the fort down, against all odds of his own, and managed to hug and kiss me after a weird and retro day.
Maya! Whatta day!
Friday, June 29, 2012
I Grew 4 Inches Taller in 7 Days!
Coquetta says, "This was found in the bowels of Mechapa Mama's post and I thought it was AWFUL - but funny. So here's a redux of this one.... Enjoy, if you can!"
Dear Readers: Mechapa Mama has gone off the deep end...we all saw it coming - be honest. So a Reader's Advisory in in order. Here it is:
Do not read the following unless you are in a good mood, are wearing some sort of natural fabric, have ordered take-home food in the past 124 hours - or eaten in a restaurant - have watched TV, read a paper, thought a negative thought, or a positive one, paid a bill, stepped in poo, or talked to a animal that didn't talk back.
If, indeed, you qualify, read on Loyal Reader....
Vain, self-centered, egotistical, megalomaniac, it's all about me - I am. Here's a few tips for the traveller from the Mechapa Mama. Take it to heart, people, the Mama is serious(ly deranged):
1. ALWAYS FLY FIRST CLASS. All of those little people in Coach know Nothing. They can't even fathom the depth of success that the the 1%'ers know of first hand. Fergit paying for drinks...I want to slam one down even BEFORE the plane takes off. Then...I want the Air Bartender to serve me more and more and more as we rocket through space and time. I may even mix it up - wine, then booze, then a digestif, then wine again. Why not? People of my stature don't suffer hangovers, for chrissakes ... We sleep through them!
2. ALWAYS VISIT THE CAPTAIN'S CLUB. Here, they give you chips and cheese and all the liquor you can pour through your gullet...FREE! Plus, in Houston, they have a theatre (that's how the rich peeps spell it, silly) and little wifi rooms and newspapers and workers in snappy blue uniforms who say "Ma'am" and "Sir" with wild abandon. Sure, you have to prove your worthiness before entering the divine sanctity of the Club, but if you pass muster - you're as good as a cooked goose before the Air Bartenders even get to you. Coffee and Baily's is a good option in circumstances such as these.
3. NEVER DRIVE. Under no circumstances should you drive. EVER. Enlist your little brother, your father, your mother's neighbor...whatever it takes to avoid sitting in the driver position. You are made for loftier stuff, and you probably don't have a driver's license so why risk having your Mom's 2001 Buick LeSabre confiscated? Plus, you will have the added bonus of bringing along a "TOGO."
4. ALWAYS PAY CASH. The Man is always watching, so never pay with a credit card or show ID. Cash is King, and Elvis Rules.
5. BE GREATFUL. Not a mispelt (mispealt, misspelled, written wrong..you get it.) Darn those words again!
6. ALWAYS EAT EVERYTHING. Even if it makes you sick and full and fully sick. Life is long, you'll lose the weight when the post-1st-class-travel buzz subsides.
7. FASHION COUNTS. Wear the Pashimi, the fake Coach bag, the borrowed jewelry, and flash your fabulous Whitney Houston Teeth (pre-crack cocaine and Bobby Brown times) whenever possible. No one will laugh at your horse teeth unless you let them. Plus, you will feel 4 inches taller and consider changing your name to "Giselle."
With luck, this will help you navigate what has previously been a traumatic and devastating experience whilst travelling abroad. For now, I'm trying to lose the 14 pounds I put on in 2 short weeks and learning how to say words that start with "W".
Do not read the following unless you are in a good mood, are wearing some sort of natural fabric, have ordered take-home food in the past 124 hours - or eaten in a restaurant - have watched TV, read a paper, thought a negative thought, or a positive one, paid a bill, stepped in poo, or talked to a animal that didn't talk back.
If, indeed, you qualify, read on Loyal Reader....
Vain, self-centered, egotistical, megalomaniac, it's all about me - I am. Here's a few tips for the traveller from the Mechapa Mama. Take it to heart, people, the Mama is serious(ly deranged):
1. ALWAYS FLY FIRST CLASS. All of those little people in Coach know Nothing. They can't even fathom the depth of success that the the 1%'ers know of first hand. Fergit paying for drinks...I want to slam one down even BEFORE the plane takes off. Then...I want the Air Bartender to serve me more and more and more as we rocket through space and time. I may even mix it up - wine, then booze, then a digestif, then wine again. Why not? People of my stature don't suffer hangovers, for chrissakes ... We sleep through them!
2. ALWAYS VISIT THE CAPTAIN'S CLUB. Here, they give you chips and cheese and all the liquor you can pour through your gullet...FREE! Plus, in Houston, they have a theatre (that's how the rich peeps spell it, silly) and little wifi rooms and newspapers and workers in snappy blue uniforms who say "Ma'am" and "Sir" with wild abandon. Sure, you have to prove your worthiness before entering the divine sanctity of the Club, but if you pass muster - you're as good as a cooked goose before the Air Bartenders even get to you. Coffee and Baily's is a good option in circumstances such as these.
3. NEVER DRIVE. Under no circumstances should you drive. EVER. Enlist your little brother, your father, your mother's neighbor...whatever it takes to avoid sitting in the driver position. You are made for loftier stuff, and you probably don't have a driver's license so why risk having your Mom's 2001 Buick LeSabre confiscated? Plus, you will have the added bonus of bringing along a "TOGO."
4. ALWAYS PAY CASH. The Man is always watching, so never pay with a credit card or show ID. Cash is King, and Elvis Rules.
5. BE GREATFUL. Not a mispelt (mispealt, misspelled, written wrong..you get it.) Darn those words again!
6. ALWAYS EAT EVERYTHING. Even if it makes you sick and full and fully sick. Life is long, you'll lose the weight when the post-1st-class-travel buzz subsides.
7. FASHION COUNTS. Wear the Pashimi, the fake Coach bag, the borrowed jewelry, and flash your fabulous Whitney Houston Teeth (pre-crack cocaine and Bobby Brown times) whenever possible. No one will laugh at your horse teeth unless you let them. Plus, you will feel 4 inches taller and consider changing your name to "Giselle."
With luck, this will help you navigate what has previously been a traumatic and devastating experience whilst travelling abroad. For now, I'm trying to lose the 14 pounds I put on in 2 short weeks and learning how to say words that start with "W".
A Day On The Beach - Minus the Freakin' Beach
Since I haven't posted in 7 years (dog years, people, stick with me here) it seems that once again the real world has passed me by. Zooming by, doppler effect in full force. These bloggers have taken over the world and made it so that simple dogs like me can no longer figure out what to do! So with the best intent and with no intention of prettying up or sexying up these sporadic and word vomit blog entries I will try to navigate my way through whatever this new bloggery posting magic can do for us. Everything looks different, but if I squint my eyes and sing the Alma Mata Magna Carta backwards I think I can figure it out.)
So. Today. A day on the beach, except that I wasn't on the beach, I was in the car without air conditioning (when we got stuck on the road because a thingy went kerplewy and when we replaced the buggery the inner motor phantoms ate the cooling stuff) when we got to the intersection of the end of the road and the beginning of the road. The military police pulled us over, fine. Normal. Not scary. They visit and make sure that the locals are playing nice and fishing nice. But on this day, the Big Dog happened to be carrying an Israeli Bull pistol - it was busted, of course, from when Elvis the pig had to be put down because I thought he had the Pig Flu and.... I just can't go back that far. Anyway, it jammed after the first shot, during the second shot which was at a mango and just for fun, Elvis is grateful, and we were transporting it to LRG's so that he could bring it to MGA for repair. Without a transportation license of course. That's in the inner bowels of MGA for the past 5 years in some police office that prints their documents on fax paper that actually dissolves after a short amount of time. Really, how do you explain the blank sheet of fax paper with a police stamp and no ink on it an say, "Well Officer, it USED to say yadda yadda but that was before it got Beachified" and retain any sense of credibility? So, I try to take a picture on the IPod Touch, affectionately called The Contraption, and I am told it is Prohibido. Oh crap. Now we are transporting an illegal weapon AND I am taking a prohibited photo. To top it off, the nice lady at the corner gave me a bag of watermelon and I have watermelon juice all over my shirt because, apparantly, I cannot eat watermelon out of a watermelon bag. So, they confiscate the gun, all the while looking at our sign that is posted at the intersection of where the road ends/begins and says, "So you're the owners of that hotel?" We say yes, and he says, "We're keeping this. Come back for it when you have your paperwork in order." OK. No problem. No A/C, no gun, sticky watermelon-shirt girl says, "Super!" See you in a week or so.
Onto CHGA, strangely filled with Gringos! I'm handing out business cards like Nobody's business. Hey - check out this hotel! Hey - You'll love it! Hey - get your face out of that Subway Chicken Teriyaki and tell me why Amigo's for Christ hasn't come back up lately! I'm starting to bother myself, so instead I decide to window shop for things I don't need and definately don't want (they actually sell Eggies and Magic Mesh here...soothing in a way...) I now feel powerless, having discovered that I have a weird brown stain on my white shirt (white is a sad color for me) and decide it's time to meet some guests at Esso On The Run (pronounce UwnDaRown). Drive back to the freakin' beach, breath deeply, and discover two new peeps in a Cabana. Paying customers! After all, despite the everlooming Beachification threat, it's still the beach. Glad to be home. Tomorrow's a whole new day On The Beach! And maybe I'll actually be On The Beach!
P.S. I had puppies last week, so be nice and hug your grandmother as much as you can. Trust me on this one.
Saturday, May 14, 2011
Hopeless, yet hopeful.
I know dogs. I have dogs. I GET dogs. I’m not selfish with dogs – if they want to eat, I feed them. Even if I don’t feel like it or I’m doing something else or have to make them an egg and rice mix because I’m out of dog food. I get cats, too. I have one. Lluvia is smart and sassy and never jumps on the table and lets me pet him for a few minutes before he bites me. I get it. I sort of get pigs….they’re easy to care for. Just keep them cool and fed and I have happy pigs. I don’t have to make special food – just give them whatever is going bad in the fridge, or some leftovers, pieces of stuff people don’t eat, even fruit off the ground and voila – they’re fed. I am not too fond of roosters – they’re loud and it is a farmyard lie that they only crow at sunrise. They crow all of the time – this glotteral, scratchy aargh-argh-a-ghhhhhhh that wakes me up and makes me want to make rooster soup. Chickens are OK, because baby chicks are yellow and chirpy and if I’m really fast I can pick one up and it doesn’t care. Horses…covered. I don’t know where they are 95% of the time, but when they’re around they eat mangoes out of my hand and run toward me when I call them. I get them. They get me. Parrots – don’t get me started. All the crap that comes out of his mouth came from me so we’re really one in the same.
I do not get pelibueys. They’re a mix between a goat and a sheep – a goat/sheep thing. They’re sweet, look a little like dogs, and can be very independent, like dogs. But they don’t need me. They eat anything and go anywhere. If I’m nice, they love me. They’ll follow me around, but not too close. They don’t understand English. They don’t understand Spanish. And if I wave my arms they run away (about 3 feet) and then come right back to finish whatever it was that they were doing before I waved. They’re smart and stupid and cute and ugly and not too great for anything. They destroy gardens, grass, trees, and whatever else is within mouth range because….they can eat it. They’ll eat cans, plastic, shoes, furniture, and seem to be especially partial to hammocks. But for whatever reason, I have an unspeakably deep need to be surrounded by animals – maybe it’s because I like them more than people most of the time. And I especially like little things - cute little puddles of fur and feathers with soft feet who don’t know that most people around here don’t care the least about them.
Being responsible for these little things is big. But also small, important and inconsequential. Because if I fuck up, they die and no one really cares. If I leave rat poison out and my cat eats it by accident, the cat dies…I get another one. If I forget to take care of a pelibuey and it gets wrapped around a tree and strangles itself…it dies. If a baby chick gets picked up by a chicken hawk…you get it. I can look at it as the “circle of life” – things live, things die. People live, people die. Animals live, and sometimes even cute little puddles of life that should live a whole helluva lot longer than a few weeks…..die.
Herein is the problem – I CARE. It breaks my heart. It makes me feel helpless and hopeless and unable to intervene and … well, SAVE them. I feel like I’m their Ambassador – their embassy of happiness and security and safety and the possibility of life better than what they would have had without me. Me, me, me. Starting to get the picture? I know I’m supposed to feel that good that at least I gave these little things a moment of care and compassion, but I’m starting to think this is really all about me. About caring and compassion in a land where death is shrugged away and then ignored and life “goes on.” That maybe I can set an example to someone that caring and compassion can cross over to everyone and anyone – even if they can’t talk or tell us what’s wrong or ask for a hug or some kind words over the telephone from an old friend.
So, I will cry. I will cry when I think about what a selfish person I am by surrounding myself with animals that I understand, and even with the ones that I don’t understand, and thinking that for one brief moment we were both happy at exactly the same time. Which is pretty good because they have me to mourn for them. I’m sure there’s a nice hammock out there just waiting for my little pelibuey MonaLisa to nibble on – and she’s just fine.
As for me, I’ll stay hopeful, and hopeless, and compassionate and clueless. And try again tomorrow to grow a tomato.
Saturday, February 19, 2011
P-R-O-G-R-E-S-S
OK, all of you word geeks (I have never completed one crossword puzzle in my life, but I remember an Advanced Moment when my sister - a crossword pro - called me in a moment of panic and said, "You're an idiot, but what's a 6-letter word for the clue [opening word]." To which I said without pause, "Sesame" - prompting her not to talk to me for 6 months.) So, with that in mind, I wish to discuss a concept heretofore unknown to Mechapa.....Progress. I can use MicrosoftWord, so I thesaurused it (take it easy there, I am sure that I can use that as a verb) and came up with "the advance of human society: the general advance of human society and industry over time toward a state of greater civilation." Now, if you know me, you immediately realized that I am in a tizzy, an uncomfortable and tenuous state, a cold-sweat panic about the greater implications surrounding one particular thing that prompted my 10-second research into the word Progress....they're finishing the road to Potosi. Normally, I don't think that a road improvement would evoke this sort of reaction from anyone, but this is MECHAPA people! And, as if my worst karmic fears were being realized right before my eyes in the scariest and most efficient form EVER....I've had a couple of guests here who justify my fear of Progress (BTW, have you been watching Justified? It's a television show and they've mentioned Nicaragua 3 times that I'm aware of - fascinating...and it's not just that they've mentioned it in conjunction with a stick of dynamite and a bad guy and a coconut field, but just that they mention it. And the lead star is sort of hot. That too.)
It's not these are baaaaad peeps, but just a bubble off (Mike's old construction term, realizing its full potential in this sense). Just as disturbing is the fact that backpackers are showing up, too (mochilleros, as they are called here - which is sort of cute) in increasing numbers. It's not that I don't like Mochilleros, it's just that they smell sometimes and want to pay $6 a night and have a budget of $7 a day. That's just wrong. You're on vacation, in a foreign land, and you have a pocket-full of coins to support yourself?! Just wrong. Mike and I went on a one night vacation with a friend from New York last week and stayed in the Presidential Suite at a nice hotel down south. Total tab: the equivalent of 128.57 days for Mochilleros. That's the RIGHT way to do it. I don't remember much because 31 days budget was spent on triple vodka drinks, but I have pictures to prove I had fun.
So the road is being built and even though it stops 16 km from our entranceway (preserving my directions of "Go to the end of the road...and then keep going) I still had to hire a new employee for the "afternoon shift." Good Gawd! The Afternoon Shift! Isn't that called Siesta Time?
The big question? Is this road Progress, moving us toward greater civilization, or is it just interefering in a big way with my Sleepy Time? Do I really need greater civilization? What does that really mean, anyway?
You won't believe this, loyal readers, but 2 trucks just pulled up with 8 adults and 4 children (from Managua!) for 3 cabanas. I am here alone, so I am signing out! Progress.....bring it ON!!
It's not these are baaaaad peeps, but just a bubble off (Mike's old construction term, realizing its full potential in this sense). Just as disturbing is the fact that backpackers are showing up, too (mochilleros, as they are called here - which is sort of cute) in increasing numbers. It's not that I don't like Mochilleros, it's just that they smell sometimes and want to pay $6 a night and have a budget of $7 a day. That's just wrong. You're on vacation, in a foreign land, and you have a pocket-full of coins to support yourself?! Just wrong. Mike and I went on a one night vacation with a friend from New York last week and stayed in the Presidential Suite at a nice hotel down south. Total tab: the equivalent of 128.57 days for Mochilleros. That's the RIGHT way to do it. I don't remember much because 31 days budget was spent on triple vodka drinks, but I have pictures to prove I had fun.
So the road is being built and even though it stops 16 km from our entranceway (preserving my directions of "Go to the end of the road...and then keep going) I still had to hire a new employee for the "afternoon shift." Good Gawd! The Afternoon Shift! Isn't that called Siesta Time?
The big question? Is this road Progress, moving us toward greater civilization, or is it just interefering in a big way with my Sleepy Time? Do I really need greater civilization? What does that really mean, anyway?
You won't believe this, loyal readers, but 2 trucks just pulled up with 8 adults and 4 children (from Managua!) for 3 cabanas. I am here alone, so I am signing out! Progress.....bring it ON!!
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Bowties? Yes, they are scary...
So here is last night's ABSOLUTELY TRUE conversation with Mike at about 3 am...
Mike...Mike...wake up (always a dicey issue, as my vodka-swilling better half often sleeps like a drunk. Amazingly, he says...)
Yes, what can I do you for?
I say,
There's a mouse in the house. It's in the living room. What do I do?
He says,
Does it have a bow tie on?
I say,
I don't think so.
He says,
Then don't worry. You only have to worry about the ones with bow ties on...they're the sneaky ones.
Strangely comforted, I go back to sleep.
So...on to other things that I KNOW will pique your interest.
Our little hotel has had some interesting guests lately. What is the deal with bringing 1 and 2 year old babies up a freakin' volcano? Don't know...but I've had 2 families accomplish it in the past 2 weeks. Europeans. Whatever. Must be some Christmas spirit manifesting itself in some strange way. Speaking of which, I posted a video on rbrmechapa YouTube of Davidson with a Santa hat on. I felt very bad about it. It seemed to violate some holiday rule that one should never exploit farm animals for selfish and self-serving photo ops. BUT, it is sort of cute, except for the fact that he tried to kick me after I finished video-ing and went to go fill the water tank. Oh, Davidson. Wipe that smile off your face!
New news on the animal front, while we're at it...Mimbo the yellow cat died after eating the mouse poison I left in the house for the .... mouse. Something you never need to see...ever. Here's the weird part. I'm in the kitchen, it's about 5 pm and the doors are shut and a little thing runs across the floor. Naturally, I think it's a mouse, without a bow tie, but it's actually a little kitten. She was dropped off by a chicken hawk with a conscious, landed outside the kitchen door and worked her way in. She is, by far, the ugliest cat I have ever seen. Besides the fact that she was dropped by a chicken hawk from an unknown height, she has a strange hair lip thingy going on. Sweet, yes. Absorbed Mimbo's "best cat ever" spirit, for sure. Evokes that "Oh my gosh, what is UP with that cat's face?!" look, every time.
Keeping the animal spirit moving forward...we slaughtered our final pig, Brad Pitt, two days ago. I hate to admit it, but it sure is a nice idea to raise your own food, name it, love it, shoot it and put it in the freezer. I think they would call that "eco-friendly."
I have so much more to say...who would have thought after all this time! And PROMISE that the Mama will forward all of Coqueta's sexy thoughts...when I can...if only those darn bow ties would stay out of my head!
BTW, the Mechapa Mama is publishing her first book on Amazon called "Chinandega hates you" very soon- OK, so the title is under review, but it will be out soon!
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Puppies
The Mama forgot to take her "anti-conceptivo" shot, so she was going through some hot and sexy times here in Mechapa....Fear not, illustrious readers, we expect her to be back in channelling action oh...so...soon!!
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Not So Fast
I have been a baaaaaad girl. First off, my last cheese experiment went wrong (despite the heroic efforts of S.R.!) I think it has something to do with the weather. I've done a lot of reading on making cheese and yogurt and cream cheese and most mention that they don't come out right if there is a thunderstorm in the works - which around these parts, this time of year, is like all the time. Too grainy, too tart, just not so yummy-licious and definately not on par with the soon-to-be-patented Sabo Scale of Food Lookiness. I'm pretty sure my pigs are clinically depressed, especially Brad Pitt and George Clooney (who BTW was finally castrated yesterday - owwwwwie..) Also Tyra Banks is refusing to get knocked-up so I don't have any fun little piglets running around - resulting in a general feeling of unease (I know there's a joke in there about being "pent up" sexually, but I just can't put my finger on it - get it? PENNED UP....oy.) All this after they were upgraded from the open pen under the mango tree to the little Rancho near the Bodega. My pigs' house is nicer than most human beings' houses in Mechapa! It's a dog-gone duplex with a mud swimming pool, concrete interior WITH a window for a million dollar view of the ocean. Maybe that's the problem - cushy digs = cranky pigs.
The three horses (Sunset, Davidson and Booper) are running around wild and come home only in the wee hours of the morning which serves only to wake the dogs, who go berserky, which only serves to wake me up and make me run around the property with a huge flashlight cursing under my breath and stepping in horse poo, which only serves to make me give up after a while, resulting in Mike yelling at me in the morning on how we should just get rid of DAMN HORSES. Double Oy. I have decided to retaliate by slaughtering Tyra on Monday (although it should be Brad...he just never accepted his castration when he was young and is smaller and brattier (Braddier?) than George) so she will "go to Dog Heaven." I don't know why, but I just don't think that there is a heaven for pigs. Dogs, definately, pigs, no. But dogs are pretty cool so I think they let them in - if not for any other reason than they're fun to chase around, which would mean by extension that cats would be allowed in too, unless of course there's a cat heaven, which I seriously doubt. Rabbits, too. I have to STOP playing with the livestock, especially after the traumatic strangulation death of Mona Lisa due to my inferior knot-tying skills - although I am having visions of little pelibueys dancing in my head. Don't tell Mike, but I am thinking about buying a pair, Mona Lisa Too and Picaso. Seriously, don't tell him....
I am totally out of cucumbers, so I can't make any more pickles for the time being, unless I go to Chinandega which I DO NOT want to do because it's always too hot, takes too long, and I spend way too much money on crap I don't want or need - the desire just to buy things is an exhausting fight. I keep meaning to re-do some grout in bathrooms, but I've never done that before so it will probably end up being a disaster and Mike says it will be a disaster so it will definately be a disaster. This entry was supposed to be about my new pie-in-the-sky project called Guest Review, since I am obviously a seething snake pit of anger and frustration (have I mentioned lately that I miss escalators, high heels, super-blonde highlights and fast English?). So instead of a full-blown diatribe on this ground-breaking idea that would most definately land me a 2-minute spot on Good Morning America or Oprah, or America's Most Wanted, it gets a meer (mear, mere...another one of those words...) passing nod in an otherwise boring and farm animal ridden blog. Here it is anyway:
You know how there's Trip Advisor where people can post hotel and restaurant reviews on-line and say whatever they want with absolutely no shame? Well, this is the owner's revenge, where hotel and restaurant owners rate the GUESTS...get it?! So, let's say a family from Miami come just before Semana Santa, stay a couple of nights, all happy and nice to the owners and their staff, but really, there are at least 5 separate things about them that are actually quite awful - and that other hotel owners would probably like to know about them BEFORE they get there...I haven't worked out all the details yet, but there would be several scales....say 1. Cleanliness (where they absolute pigs to clean up after?) 2. Tip-ability (did they leave a tip for great staff service?) 3. General Lookiness (borrowed and adapted from the soon-to-be patented Sabo Scale of Food Lookiness - after all, who really wants to see 10 pounds of junk in a 5 pound swimming suit bag?) 4. .... This could go on and on, but I fear it would come across just sounding punkish and mean-spirited, which is the point of Guest Advisor of course, but not my intent here, and why let everyone get a front row seat to my inner soul, anyway?
Who does that, anyway? Who slaughters a pig in retaliation for bad pig-behavior and farm oogieness? What a wacko!!!
For any of my faithful readers who want to know how it goes tomorrow with Tyra, check out YouTube under RBRMechapa (rated PG) for all the details and public evidence that Ramone needs to lay off the crack-coffee. This isn't my first time around the Rodeo but I am experimenting with smoked ham and home-made sausage (a COLOSSAL flop the first go round - considered getting MediVac'd out of the hotel.) Should be fun.....ish.
Monday, June 14, 2010
Drilled...on the cheap!
Sun, surf, beach and....novacaine? Welcome to Nicaragua! After my first failed attempt at turning back time (see previous post on my whitening experience) I finally succeeded. A little hotter? Fer sure. And in my typical entrepreneurial (that looks weird? I'll spell check later...) spirit, I reached out to see if any of my friends would be interested in travelling to Chinandega to experience the dental stylings of Dr. Gabriel and his lovely assistant Octavia (50 bonus points to them for having the coolest names around.) Here's the skinny:
Original U.S. quote for my friend from Chicago: $9,000
Second quote from Managua for the same work: $4,000
Dr. G.'s quote: $1,500!!!
This is for the same dental work people! Granted, it was pretty sophisticated stuff (root canals and bridges and bears, oh my!), but Dr. G. is a dental surgeon, so I knew he could handle it.
PLUS - I had 7 cavities filled for $10 each....I used to pay more than that for a glass of wine in Chicago.
I figure that even after the airfare and the nights at Redwood Beach Resort, this little bit of Nicaragua Travel Information is pretty close to priceless....
And he looked fabulous.
Next on my bit list (think about it...it's sort of funny) is my father from NY.
Mechapa Mama, always looking out for the enamel-challenged!
Original U.S. quote for my friend from Chicago: $9,000
Second quote from Managua for the same work: $4,000
Dr. G.'s quote: $1,500!!!
This is for the same dental work people! Granted, it was pretty sophisticated stuff (root canals and bridges and bears, oh my!), but Dr. G. is a dental surgeon, so I knew he could handle it.
PLUS - I had 7 cavities filled for $10 each....I used to pay more than that for a glass of wine in Chicago.
I figure that even after the airfare and the nights at Redwood Beach Resort, this little bit of Nicaragua Travel Information is pretty close to priceless....
And he looked fabulous.
Next on my bit list (think about it...it's sort of funny) is my father from NY.
Mechapa Mama, always looking out for the enamel-challenged!
Monday, May 17, 2010
True Love. Or....Extreme Boredom. Pick your title.
The following conversation – totally real – just happened. I think it’s a sign that after 15 years of being together Mike and I can still find something to talk about
Setting: Rain storm 6:54 pm. Mike is watching TV (which means he’s just changing channels) and Stacy is scouring the computer for proof of life.
Stacy: “Why don’t dogs purr?”
Mike: “That’s a stupid question.”
S: “I’m serious. Cats purr. Why don’t dogs?”
M: “Just because they walk on 4 legs and have a tail doesn’t mean they’re the same”
S: “But they’re sort of the same. Domesticated and all. They both have fur.”
M: “You’re being silly. Why don’t horses purr?”
S: ………
S: “Good point.”
M: (several minutes later) "Why don't cats bark?"
S: (thinking to herself) "Hah! I got him thinking NOW!!!)
I think that’s funny. Mike has now officially unseated the butcher as the Master Debater.
BTW - I just figured out how to post pictures! So here is one of Mike and the 14-ton pool table.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
The Importance of Being Ernst..or..Back to Jaime
Strange times indeed in Nicaragua....
Last week I went to Chinandega for a dentist meeting. I like to call it a meeting instead of an appointment because the latter sounds so....demanding. A meeting is mutual, goes both ways. Anyway, I was supposed to get my teeth whitened and had already told EVERYONE I met that I was going to look gorgeous (sort of like when it's your birthday, and you tell everyone it's your birthday...but you're like, 5, instead of 43 and telling everyone about your teeth...sort of). So I go to the meeting, we meet, and I think they mixed the chemicals wrong because I look like me, not whiter, brighter, or even sexier, just like plain old me. Do-over! Trying again next week...will let all know how it goes (like you have a choice?!) So we run into Jaime who is selling his pool table. Now, I don't want a pool table...we live on the beach! The only thing that lasts here is plastic. I used to say that it is a testament to the human body that we can survive in this environment and not have our eyeballs fall out, or mold grow in any of our 2000 places. And I still say that. Back to Jaime.
Jaime needs a little money for a project, so we offer to buy the practically useless slate and felt-topped table that weighs 14 tons. That means we have to transport this thing to Mechapa on The Worst Roads Known to Humankind. No small feat. While talking with Jaime, like a meeting, really, we are lamenting on how slow things are all around Nicaragua. We both agree that the photo on the cover of the newspaper showing the masked hoodlums shooting mortars at the Holiday Inn in Managua was probably NOT a good thing. Mortars? They aren't really mortars...more like bottle rockets... So here is the back story, straight from Jaime and verified by me through 2.5 independent sources (unnamed, and one of them was really drunk, so he's only a .5 independent source.)
The FSLN was having a march, they like marching, so they shut down a bunch of streets in Managua. But, on that same day, around the same time, the Other Guys decided to have a meeting (not with their dentist or Jaime) so they went to the Holiday Inn. The marchers, upon hearing that the Other Guys were at the Holiday Inn Managua decided to stop by and say hi, which is why the Police Dudes didn't think twice about letting them do just that...they said they wanted to say hi. They couldn't get in the hotel, so instead they tried to get the Other Guys attention. Now, in the movies, this is commonly done by throwing a small stone at the window closest to where your friend is. But the hotel is really big, so they decided to use their bottle-rocket thingies to tap the windows, get the Other Guys attention and wave hello. That's it!! End of story!! No attack on tourists, just a crappy photo showing a thousand wrong words. Your source for Nicaragua Travel Information - Right here, people.
So back to Jaime. Quick...how many men does it take to load a pool table? Answer - 14. 6 to drag it across the floor and ruin the wood on one side, 4 to yell at them, help them navigate out of the room and onto the road to the waiting Chariot, 2 to stand there and watch (always an important part of the project) 1 to buy the beer and 1 more to drink the beer and hand out beers. Don't bother to go back and check the math. For those of you paying attention, yes, the Chariot is back in action. Re-built engine, new transmission, clutch - it would be new if not for it's intentionally deceiving outward appearance of 'I could fall apart in seconds.'
So back to Jaime. While there, Ernst, our extern from Austria, shows up with Dead-Finger Tim. That's right, Ernst is from Austria, where it is customary to work for a couple of weeks and then go on vacation. Dead-Finger Tim is on our motorcycle because we bought his a couple of weeks ago because he needed help on a project he is working on. Tim left his 2 puppies here whilst he vaca's with Ernst. They are getting along fine with the 3 cats that got sent in a box here from Tina in Jiquilillo after her dogs almost ate one. She needed help on her Cat Project so we took them in. Current count - 32 legs, 16 eyes, 8 tails, and more nipples than we could count (that's not my joke...that's Leonards' joke.)
OK, so back to Jaime.
We get the pool table loaded up and head back up to Mechapa on the Worst Roads Known to Humankind. Surpisingly, the 14-ton table makes it in one piece. That's the end of that story really, Mike is having a meeting with it downstairs right now. Can't even make anything up. Just being honest.
Despite the strange quiet that has befallen us for the past 2 weeks (it started when Leonard showed up....hmmmmmmmm) Mechapa has been a-buzz with activity. The Road to Nowhere was completed, sort of, in record time. It starts just outside of our main entrance and goes all the way to....nowhere. Venecia, really, but there isn't much in Venecia, so there you go. The interesting other story here is that Mechapa is also a-buzz with buzz. Property values have gone up, the price of beans went up, and it feels like at any minute a bus-load of tourists is going to show up - San Juan del Sur style. I really hope not, of course, but it has been sort of slow since Leonard arrived.
Hopefully Ernst will come back for vacation some time before it's time to leave. As for me, I've got a meeting to attend downstairs.
Last week I went to Chinandega for a dentist meeting. I like to call it a meeting instead of an appointment because the latter sounds so....demanding. A meeting is mutual, goes both ways. Anyway, I was supposed to get my teeth whitened and had already told EVERYONE I met that I was going to look gorgeous (sort of like when it's your birthday, and you tell everyone it's your birthday...but you're like, 5, instead of 43 and telling everyone about your teeth...sort of). So I go to the meeting, we meet, and I think they mixed the chemicals wrong because I look like me, not whiter, brighter, or even sexier, just like plain old me. Do-over! Trying again next week...will let all know how it goes (like you have a choice?!) So we run into Jaime who is selling his pool table. Now, I don't want a pool table...we live on the beach! The only thing that lasts here is plastic. I used to say that it is a testament to the human body that we can survive in this environment and not have our eyeballs fall out, or mold grow in any of our 2000 places. And I still say that. Back to Jaime.
Jaime needs a little money for a project, so we offer to buy the practically useless slate and felt-topped table that weighs 14 tons. That means we have to transport this thing to Mechapa on The Worst Roads Known to Humankind. No small feat. While talking with Jaime, like a meeting, really, we are lamenting on how slow things are all around Nicaragua. We both agree that the photo on the cover of the newspaper showing the masked hoodlums shooting mortars at the Holiday Inn in Managua was probably NOT a good thing. Mortars? They aren't really mortars...more like bottle rockets... So here is the back story, straight from Jaime and verified by me through 2.5 independent sources (unnamed, and one of them was really drunk, so he's only a .5 independent source.)
The FSLN was having a march, they like marching, so they shut down a bunch of streets in Managua. But, on that same day, around the same time, the Other Guys decided to have a meeting (not with their dentist or Jaime) so they went to the Holiday Inn. The marchers, upon hearing that the Other Guys were at the Holiday Inn Managua decided to stop by and say hi, which is why the Police Dudes didn't think twice about letting them do just that...they said they wanted to say hi. They couldn't get in the hotel, so instead they tried to get the Other Guys attention. Now, in the movies, this is commonly done by throwing a small stone at the window closest to where your friend is. But the hotel is really big, so they decided to use their bottle-rocket thingies to tap the windows, get the Other Guys attention and wave hello. That's it!! End of story!! No attack on tourists, just a crappy photo showing a thousand wrong words. Your source for Nicaragua Travel Information - Right here, people.
So back to Jaime. Quick...how many men does it take to load a pool table? Answer - 14. 6 to drag it across the floor and ruin the wood on one side, 4 to yell at them, help them navigate out of the room and onto the road to the waiting Chariot, 2 to stand there and watch (always an important part of the project) 1 to buy the beer and 1 more to drink the beer and hand out beers. Don't bother to go back and check the math. For those of you paying attention, yes, the Chariot is back in action. Re-built engine, new transmission, clutch - it would be new if not for it's intentionally deceiving outward appearance of 'I could fall apart in seconds.'
So back to Jaime. While there, Ernst, our extern from Austria, shows up with Dead-Finger Tim. That's right, Ernst is from Austria, where it is customary to work for a couple of weeks and then go on vacation. Dead-Finger Tim is on our motorcycle because we bought his a couple of weeks ago because he needed help on a project he is working on. Tim left his 2 puppies here whilst he vaca's with Ernst. They are getting along fine with the 3 cats that got sent in a box here from Tina in Jiquilillo after her dogs almost ate one. She needed help on her Cat Project so we took them in. Current count - 32 legs, 16 eyes, 8 tails, and more nipples than we could count (that's not my joke...that's Leonards' joke.)
OK, so back to Jaime.
We get the pool table loaded up and head back up to Mechapa on the Worst Roads Known to Humankind. Surpisingly, the 14-ton table makes it in one piece. That's the end of that story really, Mike is having a meeting with it downstairs right now. Can't even make anything up. Just being honest.
Despite the strange quiet that has befallen us for the past 2 weeks (it started when Leonard showed up....hmmmmmmmm) Mechapa has been a-buzz with activity. The Road to Nowhere was completed, sort of, in record time. It starts just outside of our main entrance and goes all the way to....nowhere. Venecia, really, but there isn't much in Venecia, so there you go. The interesting other story here is that Mechapa is also a-buzz with buzz. Property values have gone up, the price of beans went up, and it feels like at any minute a bus-load of tourists is going to show up - San Juan del Sur style. I really hope not, of course, but it has been sort of slow since Leonard arrived.
Hopefully Ernst will come back for vacation some time before it's time to leave. As for me, I've got a meeting to attend downstairs.
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Smart, or just plain genius?!
Thursday night at 1 am is the perfect time to come up with a menu. It used to be that 5:30 am was the perfect time to come up with a menu (think sitting straight up in bed shouting…I got it! Ensalada Cosiguina!) and this is where we are at….
Brunch, some Sunday soon: buttermilk biscuits served with mango jelly and jalapeno jelly, bread and butter pickles, garlic sour pickles, cheese, mango yogurt and vegetable cream cheese.
All, of course, homemade in my little kitchen. A friend from Canada dropped of Rennet (bet you wish you had a dime for every time you heard THAT!) so I am feeling extra motivated. I have been looking forward to making cheese for a while, so I am almost set. Tonight’s menu sprung initially from the light sleep panic mode of where I was going to get cheesecloth. Coffee filters…too small. Fit them over a colander….too flimsy, my cheese might fall through a gap. Sacrifice an article….that’s it – go through the old closet and pick out a similar type of fabric, cut it into a circle. Linen, polyester, cotton, a blend? Not sure yet, but I did come up with a couple ditties to write in magic marker on my frankencloth….”Judge me not, by how I look, judge instead, by how I cook” or “Judge me not, in your haste, judge instead, by my taste.” I figure I can start a whole new line of Ugly Cookware. You know, everybody has these beautiful matching sets in their kitchen colors with pretty handles and all. My line will look like most of it was bought at the second hand “used American goods store” because, well, most of it was. Throw in some big old coffee cans with plywood followers for cheese making, mixed jars and containers for pickles and jellies saved from a day of shopping last month. Match it up with my cookbook “F Martha, I live in Nicaragua” and some slightly misshapen plastic cookware…it will all come together is a collective statement against order, the system, the MAN!
Sunday Brunch, cheesecloth, and a cookware revolution….thank God I don’t have Ambien.
Brunch, some Sunday soon: buttermilk biscuits served with mango jelly and jalapeno jelly, bread and butter pickles, garlic sour pickles, cheese, mango yogurt and vegetable cream cheese.
All, of course, homemade in my little kitchen. A friend from Canada dropped of Rennet (bet you wish you had a dime for every time you heard THAT!) so I am feeling extra motivated. I have been looking forward to making cheese for a while, so I am almost set. Tonight’s menu sprung initially from the light sleep panic mode of where I was going to get cheesecloth. Coffee filters…too small. Fit them over a colander….too flimsy, my cheese might fall through a gap. Sacrifice an article….that’s it – go through the old closet and pick out a similar type of fabric, cut it into a circle. Linen, polyester, cotton, a blend? Not sure yet, but I did come up with a couple ditties to write in magic marker on my frankencloth….”Judge me not, by how I look, judge instead, by how I cook” or “Judge me not, in your haste, judge instead, by my taste.” I figure I can start a whole new line of Ugly Cookware. You know, everybody has these beautiful matching sets in their kitchen colors with pretty handles and all. My line will look like most of it was bought at the second hand “used American goods store” because, well, most of it was. Throw in some big old coffee cans with plywood followers for cheese making, mixed jars and containers for pickles and jellies saved from a day of shopping last month. Match it up with my cookbook “F Martha, I live in Nicaragua” and some slightly misshapen plastic cookware…it will all come together is a collective statement against order, the system, the MAN!
Sunday Brunch, cheesecloth, and a cookware revolution….thank God I don’t have Ambien.
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Oh Shut Up Already!
I made the classic mistake of posting something on NicaLiving.com. It's usually a nice place to visit, get information, learn funny Nica phrases, stuff like that. I guess I was feeling a little full of myself so I posted a Forum topic asking for information about the "riots" at the U.S. Embassy. We received a Warden Notice (seriously, that's what they're called!) alerting recipients that some bad shit was going down in Managua. Living here is Paradise, free from newspapers and local news, we're usually blissfully unaware of what's going on in Managua. Who cares, anyway? People just go there for the airport, rent a car, and leave as soon as they can. Why stay there when there's so many other nicer places to go?! Anyway, here is what I posted and the 8 responses so far. The problem with all this is that, at the end, I was a little scared to say what I really thought. After all, my sign-in is Redwood Beach, which isn't too hard to find....the fear factor kicked in and I just shut up. So, for the record, here is what I WOULD have written if I had some anonymity, more moxy, big cahones, or actually thought that it would have made a difference:
So, I wrote:
U.S. Embassy Protests/Riots
Submitted by Redwood Beach on Thu, 2009/10/29 - 15:11.
Has anyone read the Warden News from the U.S. Embassy about protestors and riotors at the Embassy in Managua? Does anyone know what they are protesting?
Then I wrote:
Wow! The U.S. Embassy responds to one of my emails! Yowza!
Submitted by Redwood Beach on Thu, 2009/10/29 - 15:34.
I finally got the U.S. Embassy to respond to one of my emails, by stating that their ridiculously UN-informative Warden Messages should actually be, well, informative. Some nice person gave me the following links: This one is to the speech given by Callahan: http://nicaragua.usembassy.gov/sp_091028_amcham.html And this one is from today's paper which pretty much makes it clear that Ortega hired a bunch of goons, got them drunk, and bussed them to the Embassy: http://www.laprensa.com.ni/archivo/2009/octubre/29/noticias/ultimahora/3... We live far, far away from all of this. What's going on with our Nicaliving friends closer to the fire? Stacy
** Ok, so I was a little strong there, but the Orteguistas (Ortegas goons) use this method all the time - hiring masked thugs to spread fear, usually plying them with alcohol, and bussing them into an area. It's a common thing for the Sandinistas - they like to use it during elections. I don't think anyone would disagree with that....but then again, I did think that such a thing existed called "A protective layer of dirt."
Then, this rocket scientist posted:
It seems that things are going from bad to worse in Nicaragua this corrupt dictatorial government is destroying the economy and and creating more misery. I would advise anyone considering to move here to think twice....things will get a lot worse.
** OK, so I don't totally disagree, but I WOULD HAVE WRITTEN: Shut up and get out, you big complaining chicken little. I am implementing Stacy's Dictatorial Rule on Planet Stacy. You're out.
And then it gets interesting....
Because the interference of Callahan in the internal affairs of Nicaragua, Callahan gave declarations about the CSJ decision to pave the road to Ortega reelection.
This is the way work the left, in Honduras they want the marines come to overthrow the fact government, and ask for more actions and measures and everything...here they only want the dollars.
** Are you serious? Do you even know what you're talking about? If you think you're smart, your just another pseudo-politico. You're out too. Get out. Planet Stacy is kicking you out.
So, utilizing my infinite and omnipotent powers, I wrote...
I'n not sure I understand your response. It appears that Callahan spoke about an alteration to the Democratic governmental process. Protesting is one thing, and a right given to all citizens of a free country. I don't think trying to damage another government's embassy is included in that right. I'd like to hear your comments, though, so that I may learn more.
** Sucking up big time here. "so that I may learn more"....What a suck! If I had a tail, it would be firmly between my legs at that moment. Not the sign of the powerful, omnipotent Dictator of Planet Stacy.
Another rocket scientist chimes in - who KNEW there were so many here!
Like i said in other comment here, interference is used commonly by the diplomatic representatives around the world, in different levels.
Recently Obama gave a declarations where he call a hypocrisy, the request from some governments calling for a stronger intervention in Honduras, when all the time they criticized the same issue.
This provocation of Ortega, displaying a thugs to attack the embassy, is not more than a usual tactics of this kind of caudillos, he only is given a his thugs a chance to flex their muscle against the biggest enemy they have , is a injection of adrenaline to lift it off the mood of the masses "showing courage to the world".
They are right now in a deep crisis with all the opposition united against them, so what can be used better like a distraction, that a crisis with US ??
** Ok, so maybe he really is a rocket scientist. I have to re-read it 50 times to follow it. Maybe use my finger to follow along. Cliff notes, anyone? I think I might like him, though, he can stay. Not kicked out. Yet. I will put him on my double secret probation list.
Now, it gets a little sexy:
Interference!
Please don't give me the "First amendment" reply because it just does not cut it in this case. Callahan is not a private citizen but the official representative of the USA. He speaks for the government of that nation and is in fact the voice of the president of the United States of America in Nicaragua.
He made these (In my opinion) completely inappropriate remarks in a public forum. He chose the make them in front of reporters and not to a group of friends seated around a poker table. When will the US government representatives ever learn to curb their tongue and keep their opinions and hands out of another other nations business?
We can all guess what the answer to that question is likely to be: "NEVER".
Having said that, I also wish to point out that as far as i am concerned, the actions taken by the demonstrators matched the remarks of Callahan in unacceptability.
I am sure that some readers will feel they need to tell me how wrong my perspective of this incident is, and what a wonderful and patriotic servant of the US citizenry Mr. Callahan is.
This is not a question of being pro or anti Ortega. Pro or anti USA. This is just another case of a pompous diplomat sticking his nose where it does not belong. My reaction would be the same had the Swedish ambassador made these remarks.
** Ummmm, an ambassador from a Democracy speaks out against a secret Supreme Court decision to allow Ortego to seek a 3rd term..."pompous dictator..." Yes, you're definately out, if for no other reason that you are a total, blood-sucking night stalker who probably molests children.
OK, so that went a little far, but it's probably true.
OUT. Planet Stacy is better off with one less LUNATIC. The air feels cleaner already!
I write:
Thanks for your response. I understand your position a little better now.
** I think I just vomited in my mouth. Can you just FEEL the horror? The realization that people are actually reading this AND supporting the attack on a U.S. Embassy? There - I said it. I think that throwing rocks and molotov cocktails, spraypainting anti-U.S. sentiments on walls (while wearing masks and drinking "firewater") is a terror attack on U.S. soil. Cheese, being a powerful, omnipotent Dictator of Planet Stacy is a lot more work that I thought it would be. Fear not, I will struggle on...
Then...
If you look a all the speech and interventions of the ambassador of many countries in US, you will find that is a systematic custom gave declarations that fall in interference issue.
In Nicaragua we have a Venezuelan ambassador that is more like a proconsul and his rhetoric against the civil society is completely out of the diplomatics ways.
But we can go further and make comparisons between the speeches of Ortega, Chavez, and all ALBA team, with the US authorities , you will find a huge difference , between a academic diplomacy and a annoying speech.
And not is only with the US, in the last aftermath with the EU ambassadors, they received the same treatment...one ambassador was called Fly, other devil..
To me is not more that the normal way of a thug, he can say whatever he want, but you must Shut your mouth .
And we must be realistic the US is like a punching bag, every body is allowed to throw some punches.
** This guy stays, But only because he used the words Fly and Devil in one sentence. I like that in a subject.
So, there it is, my foray into Nicaraguan politics, cut tragically short by my incredible lameness - lest you forget the "so that I may learn more" faux pas.
I hereby declare Planet Stacy a closed society. Only Nan, my parents, Todd (because he came to visit twice), sometimes my other siblings, and the Fat Guy Who Delivers Beans is allowed in. Mike's out, because he told me, "Oh Shut Up Already." Outski.
So, I wrote:
U.S. Embassy Protests/Riots
Submitted by Redwood Beach on Thu, 2009/10/29 - 15:11.
Has anyone read the Warden News from the U.S. Embassy about protestors and riotors at the Embassy in Managua? Does anyone know what they are protesting?
Then I wrote:
Wow! The U.S. Embassy responds to one of my emails! Yowza!
Submitted by Redwood Beach on Thu, 2009/10/29 - 15:34.
I finally got the U.S. Embassy to respond to one of my emails, by stating that their ridiculously UN-informative Warden Messages should actually be, well, informative. Some nice person gave me the following links: This one is to the speech given by Callahan: http://nicaragua.usembassy.gov/sp_091028_amcham.html And this one is from today's paper which pretty much makes it clear that Ortega hired a bunch of goons, got them drunk, and bussed them to the Embassy: http://www.laprensa.com.ni/archivo/2009/octubre/29/noticias/ultimahora/3... We live far, far away from all of this. What's going on with our Nicaliving friends closer to the fire? Stacy
** Ok, so I was a little strong there, but the Orteguistas (Ortegas goons) use this method all the time - hiring masked thugs to spread fear, usually plying them with alcohol, and bussing them into an area. It's a common thing for the Sandinistas - they like to use it during elections. I don't think anyone would disagree with that....but then again, I did think that such a thing existed called "A protective layer of dirt."
Then, this rocket scientist posted:
It seems that things are going from bad to worse in Nicaragua this corrupt dictatorial government is destroying the economy and and creating more misery. I would advise anyone considering to move here to think twice....things will get a lot worse.
** OK, so I don't totally disagree, but I WOULD HAVE WRITTEN: Shut up and get out, you big complaining chicken little. I am implementing Stacy's Dictatorial Rule on Planet Stacy. You're out.
And then it gets interesting....
Because the interference of Callahan in the internal affairs of Nicaragua, Callahan gave declarations about the CSJ decision to pave the road to Ortega reelection.
This is the way work the left, in Honduras they want the marines come to overthrow the fact government, and ask for more actions and measures and everything...here they only want the dollars.
** Are you serious? Do you even know what you're talking about? If you think you're smart, your just another pseudo-politico. You're out too. Get out. Planet Stacy is kicking you out.
So, utilizing my infinite and omnipotent powers, I wrote...
I'n not sure I understand your response. It appears that Callahan spoke about an alteration to the Democratic governmental process. Protesting is one thing, and a right given to all citizens of a free country. I don't think trying to damage another government's embassy is included in that right. I'd like to hear your comments, though, so that I may learn more.
** Sucking up big time here. "so that I may learn more"....What a suck! If I had a tail, it would be firmly between my legs at that moment. Not the sign of the powerful, omnipotent Dictator of Planet Stacy.
Another rocket scientist chimes in - who KNEW there were so many here!
Like i said in other comment here, interference is used commonly by the diplomatic representatives around the world, in different levels.
Recently Obama gave a declarations where he call a hypocrisy, the request from some governments calling for a stronger intervention in Honduras, when all the time they criticized the same issue.
This provocation of Ortega, displaying a thugs to attack the embassy, is not more than a usual tactics of this kind of caudillos, he only is given a his thugs a chance to flex their muscle against the biggest enemy they have , is a injection of adrenaline to lift it off the mood of the masses "showing courage to the world".
They are right now in a deep crisis with all the opposition united against them, so what can be used better like a distraction, that a crisis with US ??
** Ok, so maybe he really is a rocket scientist. I have to re-read it 50 times to follow it. Maybe use my finger to follow along. Cliff notes, anyone? I think I might like him, though, he can stay. Not kicked out. Yet. I will put him on my double secret probation list.
Now, it gets a little sexy:
Interference!
Please don't give me the "First amendment" reply because it just does not cut it in this case. Callahan is not a private citizen but the official representative of the USA. He speaks for the government of that nation and is in fact the voice of the president of the United States of America in Nicaragua.
He made these (In my opinion) completely inappropriate remarks in a public forum. He chose the make them in front of reporters and not to a group of friends seated around a poker table. When will the US government representatives ever learn to curb their tongue and keep their opinions and hands out of another other nations business?
We can all guess what the answer to that question is likely to be: "NEVER".
Having said that, I also wish to point out that as far as i am concerned, the actions taken by the demonstrators matched the remarks of Callahan in unacceptability.
I am sure that some readers will feel they need to tell me how wrong my perspective of this incident is, and what a wonderful and patriotic servant of the US citizenry Mr. Callahan is.
This is not a question of being pro or anti Ortega. Pro or anti USA. This is just another case of a pompous diplomat sticking his nose where it does not belong. My reaction would be the same had the Swedish ambassador made these remarks.
** Ummmm, an ambassador from a Democracy speaks out against a secret Supreme Court decision to allow Ortego to seek a 3rd term..."pompous dictator..." Yes, you're definately out, if for no other reason that you are a total, blood-sucking night stalker who probably molests children.
OK, so that went a little far, but it's probably true.
OUT. Planet Stacy is better off with one less LUNATIC. The air feels cleaner already!
I write:
Thanks for your response. I understand your position a little better now.
** I think I just vomited in my mouth. Can you just FEEL the horror? The realization that people are actually reading this AND supporting the attack on a U.S. Embassy? There - I said it. I think that throwing rocks and molotov cocktails, spraypainting anti-U.S. sentiments on walls (while wearing masks and drinking "firewater") is a terror attack on U.S. soil. Cheese, being a powerful, omnipotent Dictator of Planet Stacy is a lot more work that I thought it would be. Fear not, I will struggle on...
Then...
If you look a all the speech and interventions of the ambassador of many countries in US, you will find that is a systematic custom gave declarations that fall in interference issue.
In Nicaragua we have a Venezuelan ambassador that is more like a proconsul and his rhetoric against the civil society is completely out of the diplomatics ways.
But we can go further and make comparisons between the speeches of Ortega, Chavez, and all ALBA team, with the US authorities , you will find a huge difference , between a academic diplomacy and a annoying speech.
And not is only with the US, in the last aftermath with the EU ambassadors, they received the same treatment...one ambassador was called Fly, other devil..
To me is not more that the normal way of a thug, he can say whatever he want, but you must Shut your mouth .
And we must be realistic the US is like a punching bag, every body is allowed to throw some punches.
** This guy stays, But only because he used the words Fly and Devil in one sentence. I like that in a subject.
So, there it is, my foray into Nicaraguan politics, cut tragically short by my incredible lameness - lest you forget the "so that I may learn more" faux pas.
I hereby declare Planet Stacy a closed society. Only Nan, my parents, Todd (because he came to visit twice), sometimes my other siblings, and the Fat Guy Who Delivers Beans is allowed in. Mike's out, because he told me, "Oh Shut Up Already." Outski.
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