Why proper footwear is important -- or -- the perils of wearing the wrong sandals

THURSDAY, June something. I can't remember the date. But it was yesterday, if you happen to be reading this today. This is how my day went....
I had plans to meet with Elizabeth at a friend's house in El Congo. That's where the road literally ends, and it is about 1 hour from my house. Which gives you the idea of how freakin' far I live from, well, anything remotely city-ish. God, I miss escalators. Anyway, I made these plans a couple of weeks ago, to visit a school in Chinandega. I'm not sure why I was invited, but it seemed like a good way to wear my new dress and my swanky Italian sandals (both were bought at the Used American Goods store in Chinandega, sort of like the Goodwill of Nicaragua - love that place...). So, I pile my laptop, camera, overnight clothes, my Coach handbag (a gift from Angela in Mundelein - love that too) and get into our pick-up truck knicknamed "the chariot." It's the biggest POS on the planet, but we tell our staff that we keep it because we don't want anyone to know "how rich we are" and if we drove a fancy car "somebody might want to rob us of all of our money." Yea....that's right.....that's why we keep the chariot. So, I start driving on the worst roads known to human kind (note to self: contact Toyota or Hummer to get a free truck so I can beat the heck out of it and they can make suspension and shock improvements) and 30 minutes into the ride, I can't the car into 5th gear. Which is funny, because 4th gear went out about a month ago, and it's a rare occassion that I actually go fast enough on the "world's worst road" but on this particular day, the opportunity presented itself. Needless to say, as I am rounding the corner on the "world's worst road" toward El Congo, 1st and 2nd gears poop out. Now, ironically, I am in a ditch on the side of the road, intentionally. You see, that's normal here because they pulled construction on the road, so the bridges aren't completed and you have to drive off the road, into a ditch, through water, bumping along, and then rejoin your intended direction a short ways off. So, here I am, in a ditch, cranking the chariot along in 3rd gear (I didn't know a car could smell like that!) and I get to the "driveway" which is actually what looks to be a 15 foot cliff. So, I slam it into 3rd, punch the accelerator, and get stuck on the driveway. Oops, realize reverse doesn't work either, so I slide down the mountain and land just on the road. OK, no problem. It's only a little after 8am, I'm not too late, I'll just walk up the driveway. In my dress and Italian sandals. Carrying what is turning out to be a 500 lb. suitcase (or at least started to feel that way.) Up we go, climb through barbed wire fence to shave some time off of my progress, slink along the fence, see the house. So now, I meet Elizabeth, she notices astutely that I am drenched in sweat (says she likes the dress, though :) and we hop into her BRAND NEW 2009 TOYOTA HILUX PICKUP TRUCK WITH AIR CONDITIONING AND A RADIO!! Ohmigod, I have died and gone to heaven. Get to school in Chinandega (great experience but more on that later) and a lightening storm starts at noon. OK, lunch time, flash floods in Chinandega, ankle deep in skank water (it just can't be raining this hard...can it? Oh yea, it can.) So, we drive on back to El Congo. Smooth sailing, air conditioning, CD playing...Upon arrival, Elizabeth realizes she left her laptop at the internet place and hops in the car to retrieve it. I get dropped off at the end of that godfersakin driveway, and wait for the Mechapa bus (there's only one, so timing is CRITICAL). Low and behold, Carlos in his bus pulls up 5 minutes later. I'm on my way! Just as I was settling in to what appears to be a bus from my childhood nightmare, I see a white pickup truck with Maine plates cruise by. Mike and Tim! Going to get the car, and me, hopefully. Go Gringa bersercky which scares the heck out of everyone around me, hop off the bus (neat chicken bus info: they don't stop, they just slow down....so when it seems like you can jump out the door relatively safely, they give you a nudge to "go for it." Try that in a dress and Italian sandals carrying a 600 pound suitcase). Here I am, running down the dirt road, waiving my umbrella and yelling after a white pick up truck with Maine plates, which obviously doesn't see me. OK, I'll walk. A long time....Up that godfersakin driveway AGAIN. It turns out, on the way to get the truck, Mike couldn't find the keys to the Polaris quadcycle. Honest Injun, a rat ate the leather keychain and absconded with the only key we have (rat bastard, literally.) Then, the Landcruiser, known as Elsie, got a flat on the way, and Tim took the bread truck back to Mechapa to get his truck. In case you're keeping count: 2 cars broken, 1 quadcycle. Things go a little better than anticipated, and Mike, me and Tim are in the white pickup with Maine plates, Jesus and Hoel are in the chariot, we stop to pick up the repaired tire for Elsie, have a couple of rum and cokes at a friend's house (mental note: continue to have strategically located friends on the world's worst road.) So now, we're pulling into Mechapa in not one, not two, but three cars. Those fat bastard Americans...so spoiled with all their toys. Somebody, buy me horse and cart for Christmas. I'm not giving up the sandals, though, they're finally broken in.